I’m never going to feel like it

That’s what I’ve heard at least. If you wait until you feel like doing something, then you’ll never do anything. In my experience, I have certainly felt like doing things, but the feeling never lasts long enough for me to actually get ‘er done. Typically, I feel really interested or engaged with a project ending in betrayal later with nihilistic feelings of hopelessness. I’m starting to realize that this back and forth has had a big impact on my overall sense of self-worth. I feel cheated, but then I can only blame myself, right? Nah, I’m too creative to rule out demonic influence. However, I need to make sure I see the difference between this conflict and simple apathy because answering a serious question that’s been holding me back most of my life is not indifference or lack of action, but ratherĀ it is an achievement on its own.

Continuing my experiment, I’m considering the keep it small approach, where you only do things that are easy or simple enough to get done in a short amount of time, but none of the ideas I come up with interest me. I do whatever I think is fun or interesting and when the nice feelings go away I stop. So far, I have some assembly code that prints a string to the console (pcjs), and I believe I worked some on Questr which needs a new name now that I have found another game with the same moniker. I’m feeling the familiar burnt out feeling I was talking about earlier.. ugh. I am both dreading and looking forward to the last three months of my experiment when I’ll change my strategy to ruthless discipline.